From the Jim Chumley range of sporting joke books the Football’s Funniest is a must have read for any fan of the sport, containing jokes such as: -

A pirate took his parrot to the betting shop. When the football scores were being announced the parrot looked up and said ‘Bugger it, Sunderland lost again’. ‘That’s pretty impressive’ exclaimed another man. ‘What does he say when Sunderland win?’. ‘I don’t know’ replied the pirate, ‘I’ve only had him two years.’

And quotes like: -

If Everton where playing down at the bottom of my back garden I would close the curtains – Bill Shankly

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